Who pissed in your Cheerios this morning?
Before I begin todays entry, I wanted to thank everyone who commented with kind words and support on my last entry, and for knowing exactly where I was coming from. I’m also glad to know that my point of view could offer a tiny bit of help to other people who deal with the issues mentioned. Now, commence the bitchery:
Dear Internets,
1. Please stop being pretentious with your pointless accessibility statements, and your access keys that conflict with screen reader shortcuts, defeating the purpose of them entirely. You probably don’t even HAVE a screen reader to test out your own bullshit in anyway. Nobody cares.
2. My dearest Web Consortium, please consider the implementation of set rules for, or a standardization of aforementioned access keys, so people know HOW TO USE THEM PROPERLY.
3. Please cease your blatant theft of ideas. If I see one more website with my goddamned footer, or my exact chunk of CSS, I’m calling Jennifer Garner. She’ll totally kick your ass. At LEAST copy from someone that has some talent, for fuck’s sake!
4. Stop using those fucking arrow images next to links. They’re ugly, pointless, and I’m pretty sure that if you styled your links with alternating colors or text-decoration attributes to begin with, your visitors don’t need an arrow to clarify that YES, THIS IS, IN FACT, A LINK! THE SHOCK OF IT ALL!
5. If you have accessibility statements or have taken extra steps for that purpose only because the people you stalk have a genuine wish to make the internet a better place for disabled readers, and because its the trendy thing to do, then dudes, you totally missed the point.
6. STOP. WITH ALL. OF THE CLUTTER. Nobody fucking cares what the weather is like in your area, what you are “currently” doing ( I use the term “currently” loosely, because they’re usually weeks old, defeating the purpose entirely,) or all of the other completely pointless crap floating around everywhere and EATING MY SCREEN.
7. Just what the fuck is the point of using tags AND categories? Please, internets, do fill me in, because I don’t see any point. Tags and categories exist for the sole purpose of making things easier to find on your website, so what the fuck are you doing filing every entry in the same 16 categories ALONG with 12 tags? !?!?!?!?! Did you sit there for 10 minutes clicking every category that might remotely relate to your entry? They have this really new neat word, its called “General.”
8. I might actually be bipolar.
9. One might argue that “I do it because I want to and because its my site111!!!” Okay, I can slightly see where you’re coming from on that one. But isn’t having valid code and accessibility statements and all of these other features a contradiction when you senselessly make your website impossible to read or navigate through? Cut the shit.
10. I hate you, internets. Why must you hold this vice-like grip upon me? Why must you make me love you, and at the same time make me hate your guts? Why must you be so delicious and fulfilling? Stop toying with my emotions.
Love,
Brent.